The Rules of Football

1. There will be no talking of photography, cooking shows, Dr. James Dobson, or fashion designers. If one of these topics happen to surface, we must call our cell phone so that we can hear our 'Rocky Top' ring tone to  make ourselves immediately feel more masculine. We are traveling in a 'Man Car', and this must be remembered at all times.
2. There will be no talking on the drive to the ballgame, so we can hear the pre-game show on the radio.
3. We will not sell our extra tickets because we would like it to be just our family, and we could use the extra space because it's really crowded in the stadium, and you never know who might end up sitting beside you. (Apparently, there were 100,000 people that didn't get the memo that it was our family night and showed up anyway.)
4. We will then offer to give away those same said tickets to the people beside us who needed extra tickets. (Of course, being of the female persuasion, I can't possibly understand such complex and conflicting rules, so there shall be no talking about the apparent disparity between rules 3 and 4.)
5. Talking will be permitted during pauses during said game, but must be limited to short, simple sentences that either approve or disapprove of what is taking place on the field below. No additional talking allowed.
i.e.   Allowed: "Did you see that? What a play!", or "Woo-hoo!" (can be accompanied by a 'High Five').
        Disallowed: "Hey, did you see that guy below us with the Nikon D700? As he was scrolling his pics, he had a shot of a hummingbird in flight. I wonder how he did that?". Bad, bad, bad.
6. There will be no talking on the drive home as to be able to listen to the post game recap on the radio. Even if it is something of a mildly higher order like telling your son how to spell "facetious". Bad, bad, bad.
7. Gaseous expulsions in all of their various forms are permitted.
8. General hygiene standards are minimal.
9. Food may be discussed during half-time and time-outs, but must be limited to the foods that shall be immediately consumed and those foods must have a nutritive value of zero.

Apparently, just like there's no crying in baseball, there's no talking during football.

Good to know.