Mr. Nubby

It all started out so innocent. Megan, Lauren and I were fixing lunch together last Sunday. Megan was fixing the brussels sprouts, Lauren was macerating the strawberries for strawberry shortcakes, and I was fixing the potatoes.

Then in started.

Fussing. Fighting. And then an all out Family Feud.

I'd had Enough. Enough I tell you. I'd had so much Enough that it bubbled up to the surface and out my fingertips and caused me to chunk a potato across the kitchen and storm out. That moment will not exactly make the highlight reel, know what I mean? Anyhoo, after my exodus, Megan took over chopping the potatoes since I had had enough of potato chopping and the unlovely company in my kitchen and I was choosing to spend my time away from the shenanigans and alone in my bedroom where the company was much more amiable.

Then I heard it. "Mom! Mom! Mom! You'd better come here!". Megan was standing there a bit pale and panicky with her hand under the running water because she had managed to slice the padding off of her index finger with my big chef's knife. Completely off. It was a bloody mess.

Off to the ER we went. She handled the whole thing pretty well, but she was slightly unnerved about the possibility of developing an infection and losing her entire finger. That's what Nursing School does for you --- you learn just enough to be dangerous to others and to drive yourself insane thinking of all of the possibilities of the ways things can go horribly, horribly wrong. Jeff and I --- being the dear souls that we are --- always like to look on the bright side of life, so we took the opportunity to point out all of the cool things that could come out of losing a finger. Like, for instance, nicknames. She could have a really cool nickname like 'Nub'. Or 'Nubby'. Or 'The Nubinator'. She could also steal things because she doesn't have a fingerprint. Or she could steal things and the police would give her a really cool criminal name like 'No Print Nellie' and launch a national search campaign to catch her and she go down in history with other infamous criminals like Scarface and Billy the Kid. (I just totally made up that last sentence, but I just felt the embellishment totally added to the story, don't you?)

Funny, though. She didn't seem to appreciate our sense of humor. Funsucker, that girl is.

Five.Hours.Later they finally managed to stop the bleeding and we were able to bring the Lortab-laden lassie with the huge bandaged finger back home. In a nod to our time together in the ER, we nicknamed the bandaged appendage 'Mr. Nubby'.

Looks like Megan needs to take a page from 'Mr. Nubby's' playbook and trade in that pout-pout face for a happy one.